When I became a mother, nobody warned me that I’d feel like a stranger in my own life. Sure, people mentioned the sleepless nights and the overwhelming love, but the profound identity shift? The feeling that the “old me” had somehow vanished overnight? That caught me completely off guard.
If you’re experiencing this disorienting transformation, you’re not alone. You’re going through matrescence—the developmental passage into motherhood that’s as significant as adolescence, yet rarely talked about.
What Is Matrescence?
Matrescence is the physical, psychological, and emotional transition a woman undergoes when becoming a mother. Coined by medical anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s and brought back into focus by reproductive psychiatrist Dr. Alexandra Sacks, this term finally gives a name to the profound identity reconstruction that happens during and after pregnancy.
Unlike the romanticized version of motherhood we see on social media, matrescence is messy. It involves grieving who you were while simultaneously becoming someone new. And that’s exactly where journaling becomes your most valuable companion.
Why Journaling Matters During Matrescence
During this transitional period, your thoughts can feel like a tangled mess. One minute you’re overwhelmed with love; the next, you’re mourning your former independence. Journaling creates space to process these contradictory feelings without judgment.
Writing helps you make sense of the chaos. It validates your experience, tracks your growth, and reminds you that the discomfort of transformation is temporary. Most importantly, it gives you permission to acknowledge the losses alongside the gains—something our culture rarely allows mothers to do.
Journaling Prompts for Identity Loss and Change
Here are prompts designed specifically for navigating the identity shifts of matrescence. Don’t pressure yourself to write eloquently or even completely. Sometimes fragments and messy thoughts are exactly what you need.
Processing Who You Were
“When I think about who I was before becoming a mother, I miss…” This prompt acknowledges loss without shame. Maybe you miss spontaneous plans, uninterrupted sleep, or simply having your body to yourself. Writing it down validates these feelings.
“Three qualities I loved about my pre-motherhood self are…” Identifying what you valued about yourself before can help you find ways to preserve or reimagine those qualities in your new identity.
“My body has changed in these ways, and I feel…” Physical transformation is part of matrescence. Your relationship with your body deserves honest exploration, whether you feel grief, gratitude, ambivalence, or all three.
Exploring Who You’re Becoming
“The mother I’m becoming is different from who I imagined because…” Reality rarely matches our expectations. This prompt helps you release the fantasy and embrace the reality of your unique motherhood journey.
“I surprised myself today when I…” Matrescence reveals strengths you didn’t know you had. Documenting these moments builds confidence during a vulnerable time.
“If I could describe my current identity in five words, they would be…” This exercise creates a snapshot of where you are right now. Repeat it monthly to see how you’re evolving.
Navigating the In-Between
“Today I felt caught between my old self and new self when…” The liminal space of matrescence is uncomfortable. Naming these moments helps you realize this tension is normal, not something you’re doing wrong.
“The parts of my former identity I want to keep are…” You don’t have to abandon everything. Intentionally choosing what to carry forward gives you agency in your transformation.
“I’m learning to redefine success as…” Your metrics for achievement have likely shifted. Exploring new definitions of success helps reduce the pressure and guilt many mothers feel.
Finding Integration
“One small way I honored both my needs and my baby’s needs today was…” Integration isn’t about balance—it’s about honoring all parts of yourself. This prompt celebrates those wins.
“When I imagine my future self, she has made peace with…” Envisioning your integrated future self can provide hope during the hardest days of early motherhood.
“The conversation I need to have with someone is…” Sometimes journaling reveals what you need to speak aloud. This prompt can prepare you for difficult but necessary conversations with your partner, family, or friends.
Creating Your Journaling Practice
You don’t need a fancy journal or uninterrupted hours. Five minutes while the baby naps works. Voice memos on your phone count. What matters is consistency, not perfection.
Try journaling at the same time each day, even if it’s just a few sentences. Morning pages help process the day ahead; evening reflections help you decompress. Find what works for your new rhythm.
Remember, this journal is for you alone. You don’t need to censor yourself or write for an audience. Let it be messy, contradictory, and raw.
The Truth About Matrescence
Here’s what I wish someone had told me: feeling lost doesn’t mean you’re failing at motherhood. Identity loss during matrescence is a feature, not a bug. You’re not broken; you’re transforming.
Journaling won’t make the discomfort disappear, but it will help you witness your own evolution with compassion. And someday, when the fog lifts a bit, you’ll look back at these pages and see not just what you lost, but everything you became.
Your words matter. Your experience matters. And the woman you’re becoming deserves to have her story told—by you, for you. Book an Appointment for out 1:1 Emotional session today and check out our Shop to purchase our E-books
